So, they make sleep a top priority. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that — thoughts, not facts.
Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook. When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness.
When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it's impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don't have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people's opinions with a grain of salt.
That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off.
Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the 1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than countries. For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation.
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Travis Bradberry , LinkedIn. Travis Bradberry is coauthor of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2. He says that decades of research point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. If you're curious about people, are difficult to offend, and let go of mistakes easily, there's a good chance you're emotionally intelligent.
You delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression.
Saying no is a major self-control challenge for many people, but «No» is a powerful word that you should unafraid to wield. Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them.
By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand.
Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others. The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time.
In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. But high-EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who work daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experience improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. By focusing on his sociability and likability, he loses sight of all other essential emotional intelligence traits he may be lacking — ones that can make him a stronger, more effective leader.
After spending 25 years writing books and fostering research on this topic , I've found that emotional intelligence is comprised of four domains.
And nested within these domains are 12 core competencies. Click here to enlarge chart. Don't shortchange your development by assuming that emotional intelligence is all about being sweet and chipper. By reviewing the competencies below and doing an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses, you can better identify where there's room to grow. Self-awareness is the capacity to tune into your own emotions.
It allows you to know what you are feeling and why, as well as how those feelings help or hurt what you're trying to do. Do you have the core competency of self-awareness? Every moment is an opportunity to practice self-awareness. One of the biggest keys is to acknowledge your weaknesses.
If you're struggling with something at work, for example, be honest about the skills you need to work on in order to succeed. Be conscious of the situations and events in your life, too. During times of frustration, pinpoint the root and cause of your frustration.
Think about any signals that accompany how you feel in that moment. Self-management is the ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses under control. This is a powerful skill for leaders, especially during a crisis — because will people look to them for reassurance, and if their leader is calm, they can be, too.
What core competencies of self-management do you have? During moments of distress, do not brood or panic. Take a deep breath and check in with your emotions. Instead of blowing up at people, let them know what's wrong and offer some solutions.
Accept that there will always be sudden changes and challenges in life. Try to understand the context of the given situation and adjust your strategy or priorities based on what is most important at the time.
Social awareness indicates accuracy in reading and interpreting other people's emotions, often through non-verbal cues. Socially aware leaders are able to relate to many different types of people, listen attentively and communicate effectively. What core competencies of social awareness do you have? First and foremost, social awareness requires good listening skills.
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